husband doesn t want to go on family vacation husband doesn t want to go on family vacation

I can believe that he chooses to associate mostly with people who share his views on sin, evil, and temptation. 33 answers. Theres concern, and then theres overreacting. You are not alone with this. And as Alison so deftly explained it, the rest is all a matter of trust within the marriage. Its so odd that he seems so fixated on Vegas (which can be perfectly harmless, I went there many times as a small child and turned out just fine). And wondered aloud how he would have been if wed been together in the days I was traveling to Kosovo, Bosnia and Iraq as a newspaper reporter. Boundaries we a serious convo. I also suggested going to counseling for professional diagnosis and treatment. Ding ding ding! My boyfriend used to freak out every time I had to travel for work. If its a crippling anxiety issue, a solo visit to a therapist and their GP for anxiety meds might be more effective. I do NOT like it because OMG ALL THE NOISE ALL THE TIME, but I didnt ever feel unsafe. People in my family are prone to anxiety disorders manifesting themselves in this way (including me, yay! Lastly, there are some religious communities where it would be fairly normal for the husband not to let the wife travel, and for worries about infidelity to be one of the main reasons why. An ex of mine and I were trying to be friends; he told me about a date he went on and I gave him my opinion (that he treated this woman like crap) and he was basically all, Nuh-unh! Me: Um, what now? Ive been to one (and my husband was only jealous of the food), and while I dont like Vegas myself, I cant deny that the Venetian knows how to run a conference. Back in the days of Usenet, this was called the lurkers support me in email, which just about sums it up. We are leaving Saturday for a vacation on Florida. In either case though, go on the trip. Youre not choosing your career over your marriage when you take three days to sit in a conference hall, for chrissake. Couples counseling has given us a neutral forum to figure out how to face it together, to help me express how his behavior effects me and our family, and for me to learn how to support him. He can express an opinion at most. I mean There isnta rash of kidnappings in Las Vegas, and what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas is an advertising slogan forcollege students and weddingparties, not a warning to spousesof business travelers. He asks that I check in with him once or twice a day for hi-and-I-love-you. The husband is acting like a jerk and the OP needs to figure out whether this is something/someone she can live with and whether he is capable of improving. My SO and I ate there in 2013, and he STILL sighs and says, That was a good burger, whenever Las Vegas is mentioned. If anything those are probably among the safer places in the country. after that. Would he partake in an support of psychological therapy and consoling? This happens to me at the worst times, like when Im walking home in the evening or when Im doing chores alone around the house I get this feeling like im starting in the opening sequence of whatever creepy procedural I was watching. In fact, Ive been on more trips without my partner than I have with him! vacation without ever spending a single quarter in a slot machine! But they are the obvious two and also both hot-button topics on this forum. (I lost 30 pounds not eating while she was away, and we both shed lots of tears at TSA seeing her off) Now, new project, wife just did 12 days in Portland just saw her off for 3 days planning there for another two week project there. You just cant. The Sin City stuff is absolutely the product of creating a specific image through decades of marketing, not necessarily a real reflection of what its like. My knee-jerk reaction was to say, you dont dictate where I go, I was just out for a walk, for Chrissakes. Kj will notice if you dont come home one night.. Im sorry I love my wife and Ive been to Vegas myself and my wife hasnt traveled that much. Period. It is in some Nevada counties, but not Clark County (which includes Vegas.) A spare hour or two could be spent at an adult themed entertainment show or casino, and that can honestly spiral. Never mind that this area was completely safe and middle-class; never mind that the apartment complex had 24-hour security; gated parking; never mind that this Mexican restaurant is not a whole in the wall, is regularly featured on Food Network, and is a regular spot for bringing out-of-town clients for virtually every company in our city. Last I time I checked 2017 hadnt fully turned into The Handmaids Tale and women were allowed to travel for work without permission from their husband. You can always spend less at a Days Inn or Holiday Inn or similar 3-star facility. And shell never be the breadwinner, but again, thats what she signed up for from the get-to. Many commenters are acting as though the husband made up this poll of people (everyone) to agree with him, which is not what she wrote or what happened. I suspect this has less to to with irrational fears of the big, bad world, and more to do with an outdated, sexist view of the man being in charge of his woman. In my family its my mother (yay genetics! And yeah, they probably need some counseling, and people often start off with Marriage counseling before moving on to individual counseling *on advice of their counselor*! But I did find pictures of her with male strippers so yeah Im nervous shes younger and hasnt traveled like I have the world can be dangerous. Sometimes I am super jealous because he gets to go to some cool places (Tokyo, London), but I would never try to get him not to go. By letting him chaperone her once I worry that now hell believe this is reasonable and that he should chaperone all future work travel then all interactions with male colleagues, in public, etc. But this doesnt seem to be important to the OP she recognizes that she should be allowed to go on business trips. It is NOT his choice whether you go! Also, if the OP is there for work, chances are shell be in meetings all day and then answering emails in her room at night. Shes gone twice now and all they do is drink and gamble! Then everyone is sober. Its literally the opposite of a fun wild weekend. I obviously dont TELL people I have these thoughts because it tends to freak people out! However, Im not sure if this is the crux of the LWs issue since her husband clearly said that he has a problem with the what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas mentality. 4. Who the hell lies about going on vacation with family while simultaneously depriving you of a partner, coparent, and also seeing your own family. Anywhere in the USA or abroad. The first time I visited Scotland (as an undergrad) I was on a school trip and we went to Orkney, in the far north. -03-2022, 0 Comments Youre an adult, OP! I ALWAYS wonder in these cases if the guy actually did do this, or is just saying that he did to bolster his own stance. ;). As a long-time resident of NYC, people who dont live here assume I spend my days constantly in fear of muggings and/or terror attacks, pepper spray at the ready. It is not normal or rational. And when your husband does things like that, why would you choose him over anything else? Abuse isnt as uncommon as you think it is. Meanwhile their actual problem is almost ignored. If I died while on travel, hed get an insurance payout and be able to live without working for X months; then he could remarry or move or whatnot. Plan and reminisce together to create shared anticipation beforehand and shared . Of course, this is all conjecture. I hope you find a guy who does that for you. Ask questions like: Why didnt Iget invited? Then listen carefully asheanswers these questions and try not tointerrupt him orjump inwith your own thoughts onthe matter until hes finished explaining his reasoning, even ifitfeels like aneternity. Also deploying the well everyone else thinks youre wrong too thing is a really immature way to work through a disagreement. :), That reminds me of this Captain Awkward letter: https://captainawkward.com/2014/02/06/547-is-it-my-anxiety-or-is-my-relationship-dodgy-spoiler-holy-fuckshit-its-the-dodgiest/, Were now in a position where he thinks Ive made a mistake with the breakup, and that I did not adequately justify my reasons for ending it.. What about yourself? A friend of mine was sort of that guy! The letter writer husband is waving some pretty sizable red flags. I really wish people would take the time to think beyond their first assumption in issues like this. I might go if it were for a show I wanted to see that I couldnt attend anywhere else, or if I had to go for work. Its not about what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas, its about Vegas has made themselves a very strong event destination, and that includes for regular businesses.. (Note: relationship = 3-4 months of long-distance dating, which I quickly realized was a Bad Idea.) Everyone agrees with me and thinks youre unreasonable and crazy. Go on the business trip, set and hold firm limits with him (i.e., if you want to call him at 9 each night, great, but thats it. I will never ever return or step foot in an obnoxious casino. Untreated anxiety is a meat grinder to relationships. No. Nikada / iStock. I wanted to get tickets for a show, but it was sold out. My *70 year-old* cousins house. Same with mine. Spiking drinks, assault, kidnapping happen in tiny places as well as large places. To me, that means childish. Youre obviously free to disagree, but I think its archaic and not okay. I loved the weird, entertaining shows on the street, the warm evenings, the bustle and cheer. I wonder if one solution wouldnt just be to bring her husband WITH her (on her own expense and probably paying for their own room)? Privacy Policy and Affiliate Disclosures. I dont even like Vegas and end up there twice a year because its such a common conference location because of the affordability. This sounds like a difficult situation, so do whats best for you. I agree. When you try to say you wont let me do something, that tells me that you think Im too incompetent to make an appropriate choice on my own, which is really disrespectful. hahaha, further confirmation of your choice. My husband got sent there on a business trip as well. I have a 3 yr old, almost 2 yr old, and 2 month old. There are people whose mind translates any answer all, from Hmm okayhow bout that Topic Changers vs. Distractors game? to NONONONONO! Of course people can get into trouble in Las Vegas. Honestly, things could happen anywhere, so his questioning that the trip is in Vegas sounds like a cover. By in linseneintopf mit kartoffeln. But youre his spouse and in a perfect position to help him understand whats going on and try to help fix it! If you bring consoling up, will he go? There are people just, everywhere, even at 2 am. When my spouse was almost sent overseas on a long term work trip, I actually offered to go with him (and pay my own way) not because I was worried hed get up to something without being supervised, but because I travel frequently for work and he almost never does, so it seemed like the easiest way for me to just take care of stuff so that he wasnt stranded in a foreign airport without knowing what to do or how to make a phone call. !1 into a discussion? I won money on a work trip to Vegas - do I have to donate it to my employer? And then he needs to communicate that to his wife in a way that proves he understands its not his place to restrict her behaviour based on his irrational fears. My answer to the two questions asked in the original post are: No, you wouldn't be a terrible husband to go on a trip with a group without her. Maybe he has heightened anxiety. Or hes over-reporting the level of agreement he got? Yall need some marriage counseling. Where I live, they would agree with the husbands position. Hes using the great, ambiguous They to give his personal feelings more weight. If I wanted to put on pants and walk across the casino I would just eat at a casino floor restaurant instead of ordering deliverywhich Im sure explains their policy more than security concerns! 5. Contributors control their own work and . Could also be a mix of the two, or something nobody has thought of yet. We were in that stage of "dating" where we wanted to do everything together, only he didn't fly and didn't really enjoy travel. Hopefully this question to AAM will lead in the direction of help. Well, thank heaven theyre not all drug dealers too. P.S., you forgot to shill The Gift of Fear.. He was worried about me, because I was over worked and only had about 4 hours of sleep per night. Im not a fan of Las Vegas (i.e., cigarette smoke, gambling, drinking), but many (perhaps all?) But its a pretty serious one-off. Japan is absurdly safe, even if that is no comfort to people when something bad does happen. Marriage counseling is good for her so she can express her love for me without sounding like a hypochondriac. The update is saying the opposite of what you think it does. ), and Im excited to stay at Mandalay Bay because they have an aquarium. Can you believe it? He might have a collection of like-minded friends who really would agree with him. And people are all I wouldnt let my wife go we have done bigger problems here. Nevertheless, couples therapy is ALSO necessary, because this is something that affects them as a couple and that they need to manage as a couple, even though the main onus is on him for managing his fears or whatever other issues he has. Its not really a fun place to go for work. Right!? This makes me MAD. When I first started at my last full-time job, a coworker and I were both sent to Washington DC for a three-day conference to learn our jobs (wed both started around the same time, in a very niche legal field). Whoops, tried to highlight he says and stumbled into some html. making sure your spouse is okay with big decisions that affect both of you isnt that unreasonable. Yeah, Vegas is like Disneyland now. And she would always schedule conferences for her small business in Vegas, for the exact reasons you listed. I have horrible anxiety. Vegas skeezy rep is about 50 years out of date at this point. The number of dudes who felt the need to tell me how unsafe my backpacking around Europe with my best friend was was pretty high. I thought his friends were objecting to his stance and would even let their spouses go. My mom has cooled off a bit now that Im almost 40 (!! Its just such a common conference/trade show city! Business trips (and business trips to Las Vegas even) are such a normal part of work life that is is totally bizarre to expect you not to go simply because of the destination. We have now been married 5 years and this is a thing of the past. Work trips tend to not be fun because you spend the whole time WORKING and have no time to go out and have fun. Its also an irrational state of fear and I think people forget what that means. Certainly the OP needs to be careful with couselors. as a manager, should I not wear a childless shirt in my off-hours? Youd have to make an effort to get kidnapped, I think. We have tracks and the OTB, there are also lots of easy-to-locate poker games that are semi-legal. Im sure your husband isnt a huge jerk or anything, but this is not healthy and he should not be pressuring you to do something that would risk your job. Best of luck on your issues, and I hope you get the resolution youre seeking! Yeah, my husband takes business trips to Vegas multiple times a year. And Im sure theres a lot more I dont know about. And thats Congo. A great thing to consider would be inviting a few friends over on Friday night for Shabbat dinner. Yeah man, sure, that uh really sucks? See some shows, enjoy some good food, go on a nice hike. Good luck and please update us! Im going to a conference there in November for in-depth training on our electronic medical records system (not exactly a party subject! You say youre the breadwinner. She has mentioned it makes her sad, but she takes the obey part of her vows very seriously. Maybe you call once a day in the evening to say hi, but otherwise tell him youre not going to be responding to messages, because youre busy with work. It took getting out (and lots of tears, letting some of the love-roots pull out from my heart with time and distance, and lots of therapy) to realize that he really was some of those things and others he wasnt, but it was irrelevant because he was still hurting me. The letter writer is inquiring about whether or not she should DTMFA someone who drumroll has clearly already broken up with her. In either case, I should have ended it. Ill wait. I was also married to this man. While I was away, he made me upset the whole time with his anxiety of what-ifs and what-nots. Its a slippery slope when someone starts demanding changes to accommodate their objections to acceptable societal norms. I think this is a little parochial, in fact. Thats worrying about what other people will do TO me. Whether hes choosing them consciously or not, hes certainly trying to use them as a weapon to manipulate his wife into doing what he wants. Whats wrong with disembark? husband doesn t want to go on family vacation. Im in the same boat as the OP. Your argument is based on extremes. This screams abuser and it will only get worse. One of our Bright Side readers sent us an e-mail pouring her heart out about a tricky situation she's going through. No matter how cool your parents are, money always comes with obligations. My husband has been in counseling and on medication for his mental health. Frankly, what worked for me was meeting the team my wife was working with. Husband and I live three hours away from Vegas. I would be surprised if it were anything more than a coincidence, but I think that reading that letter/advice/comments could be beneficial for this OP to see how it would likely be perceived if she did refuse to take the trip at her husbands behest. Not all of the counties decided to legalize it, and as a result there is no legal prostitution in Las Vegas or Reno. Hes not Master of the House. I used the work on policy areas around crime, and in the UK, people places with low crime rates have a much higher fear of crime than people from high crime areas. apply jobappnetwork com elior; farmington, ct homes for sale by owner o_o, As an Iowa alum, I can personally vouch that Ive seen more drunken debauchery in Iowa City than I have on the Vegas Strip. She wrote: His main objection is the fact that the trip is located in Las Vegas. The Rio does have huge rooms! At work? And here's what we think . Having just returned from an exhausting but informative 3-day event in Las Vegas let me assure you when youre at the conference center/hotels there is security up the wahzoo and those folks are awesome. Thats fine! You need a pro to help you guys sort out this tangle and see where to go from here in a way that doesnt actively sabotage your career because of his irrational behavior. This is always my response to people and they always get mad at me for saying it. Your absence is the absence of any possible reward for his behaviour. I absolutely dread this. You also cannot learn anything while youre in a state of fear. This is not a normal or healthy response from a spouse, and it needs to change. I think that marriage counseling is the right way to go. I only wanted to get someplace, anyplace, without slot machines. For example, phone #: 123-333-4567. Certainly do not risk your career by bailing on this completely reasonable work trip. In the places where its legal, its still only legal at licensed brothelsof which there are 24 in the entire state. This is a really, really big deal. Congratulations! At tax time we make about the same but for my emergency calls its hard to keep up. I wish this would have been the first comment because it frames the issue perfectly. Then they can work together to find a way to work with his fears, like maybe she checks in with him a few times a day at certain times. Ive encouraged him to take trips on his own without me, especially when Im on travel. To me, wholesome is about the primary purpose of the activity. Please select a reason for escalating this post to the WTE moderators: Connect with our community members by starting a discussion. So your husband just told you he wants to go away for Labor Day. Can you tell mewhat todo?Maya. I was just coming here to ask if she asked him to Turn his key!. It also couldnt be. From the outside, his train of thought is totally irrational. I called home from a pay phone on the street around 10pm UK time and she freaked out because I was outside, at night, with nobody around who knew me! Its probably rooted in a sexist view and I dont know who hes talking to everyone objects to their partners going because thats insane. Everyone else said she deserved it! Hes worried the worst would happen: I cheat, someone spikes my drink, someone kidnaps me He says he has asked other people about the situation and everyone objects that they would even let their significant other go. My almost 60 year old mother goes to a medical conference in Las Vegas every year. Right? Good luck! While she comes back with great stories of what she saw people doing, shes never felt in danger or anything like that. DH and I took our little girl on a 14-hour car trip when she was 4 weeks old (she's 10 weeks now). When she would call back, he would accuse her of having left the office to sleep with someone else. If something written is thought to mean the opposite of what it says that is not reading, it is MISreading. Its just unacceptable. Her husband is a lovely person in general, but comes from a family that cares very much about keeping up appearances. Im rooting for you! The only people who would have a problem with visiting Las Vegas would be someone who has never been there! Go on your trip! I can fold laundry and watch chick flicks and read novels in the tub after the kids go to bed, He says he has asked other people about the situation and everyone objects that they would even let their significant other go.. He does that three to four times a year. Its a lot less horrendous than deglove, whats the issue? They were lost and just wanted to get back to the station, happened to see one guy had a gun and started cryingwhich caused all the guys to worriedly come over, try to calm them down, then send a guy to escort them personally to the train station. Youre the breadwinner? Same! Excuse me? He called to tell me he won a bunch of money at Black Jack and was getting free drinks. This is also what I pictured especially if he freaks out like this regularly-ish (every time she has a trip its a big ongoing issue for a chunk of time), his friends might have just learned to ride out the rant with general affirmative noises. If he refuses to go, go alone. My jaw literally dropped. The weather sucks in Vegas. Its absolutely true, and she gets so. Dont choke or burn yourself! In addition to marriage counseling, he or both may want to consider individual counseling as well. with his friends, not you. But I believe that talking it out in clear terms is step one, at least. Food! Best of luck to you. Ive stayed in beautiful NYC and D.C. hotels for less than $130 a night. Out alone after dark = commuting to a job that has normal office hours. A Group Owner is a member that has initiated the creation of a group to connect with other members to share their journey through the same pregnancy & baby stages. Before you talk with your husband, try tounderstand why hedidnt want you there. Yes, we were taking advantage of the fact that 19/20 year olds can go to the pub in the UK, but we were still hanging out with the professor while we did so. Casinos are closely monitored and have security, and its a very touristy city, so I imagine there are a lot of people out and about at night (at least near the strip). I highly doubt these people genuinely agree with him, but are more likely playing the supportive friend role. Can everyone please stop armchair diagnosing? If a person hasnt had much of a chance (or desire) to go to different places, your impression of them is far different than the reality. My only regret about that trip was that it was so last-minute I couldnt get a ticket for my boyfriend, who has never been to Vegas and would have also enjoyed wandering through the hotels and playing a few slots for the free drinks. I had to speak on a panel one afternoon and give a presentation the next morning, but the conference I spoke at was not for my industry so I had no connections or contacts there. We split it into 3 traveling days both directions so it would be 6 hours and we are estimating 8 hour days, but know it could be longer. I supervise a manager who falsified an employee write-up but I dont think she should be fired. I have a friend who doesnt drink, gamble, or smoke and Vegas is one of her favorite vacation places. This is so far outside of normal that if I were in your shoes OP, I would be socking money away so that I could leave him, unless theres something youre not telling us that could possibly justify how he treats you. People who cheat assume everyone else will cheat, too. Businesses plan conferences in Las Vegas because the rooms are dirt cheap, not because theyre planning some sort of raucous party. But she did not mention that she had her picture taken with male strippers that she would never told me if hadnt found them. Other National Geographic Family Journeys from G Adventures include bucket-list family vacation destinations like Iceland, Japan, South Africa, Peru, Costa Rica, Morocco, and Vietnam. And if you go to Roppongi or Kabuki-cho and get wasted at a sketchy bar, then yeah, turns out you have greatly increased the odds that someone will steal your wallet. Him: Something something shes just got cold feet about the upcoming wedding. I dont much care for Vegas. Do not sacrifice your career for this. So I get the safety concern. Yes, they pay for his airfare and, if necessary, the difference in the hotel room rate and they dont spend that much time together, but they spend *some* time together and are at least getting to see each other for some part of the day.). I love her, and I know she warns me about this because she loves me and she wants me to be safe, but Im just really glad to see Im not the only one right now!! Its the inappropriate (in typical American business culture) reaction of the husband thats the issue here, not whether its legitimate to try and get out of business trips sometimes. Marriage counselling is categorically not recommended if there is abuse. Hes worrying that someone might hurt her, too. Your wife is doing a normal thing and has given no signs she isnt anything but committed to you. And theres more but I here these comments and the whole story wasnt told. For the more immediate concerns, maybe you could also suggest scheduling a phone call every night or something to help put his mind at ease, and that yall meet with a counselor to help work through his concerns. I think the fact that hes willing to go counseling (am I reading that correctly?) When I was growing up, my mom would take a week off in the winter and go on vacation with one or two friends. I would think about whether this fits in a pattern of other bad behavior. One of my favorite business trips was a 3-day solo trip to Vegas. My then-husband and I spent three days in Vegas with two other couples, and the most sinful thing we did was see a strip show that our group leader had accidentally bought us all tickets to.